<![CDATA[ - [linked hearts---the blog]]]>Sun, 20 May 2012 22:08:24 -0500Weebly<![CDATA[Updates from Week Two with Isaac! ]]>Wed, 16 Feb 2011 13:04:38 -0500http://linkedhearts.com/2/post/2011/02/updates-from-week-two-with-isaac.html
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Feb 6 - Streets of Lesotho and a Rainy Day

We started the day with Daddy, Isaac and I going out in a taxi to find a traditional Basotho blanket that is one of the signature items for the culture of Lesotho. Our taxi driver was great and actually got out with us at different places to help us find a blanket and blanket pins. We didn't find the blanket pins at the stores, so he took us to a street market that was quite typical of what you see along the roads in Africa with things like pirated DVD's, etc. We did find the blanket pins there.

It was raining after we got back from shopping so wrestle-mania ensued once again in our room. :-) Later that afternoon, on our last full day in Maseru, Lesotho, we got to see a full, BRIGHT rainbow shining over the city and over the mountains. How incredibly amazing it was to wrap up our time here in beautiful Lesotho with that painted sky!

I haven't mentioned too much about our other son Drake in my posts, but oh how I love my children! Drake tonight again demonstrated what a beautiful, giving, considerate heart he has. When he and Daddy were at the grocery store, they decided to get a chocolate cake for a special last night dessert, and Drake's idea was to give the remaining cake to the guest house staff. He delivered it to them and I'm sure their hearts were warmed by his gesture!

To wrap up the beautiful night, I was giving Isaac a bath and he surprised me with a new song! He loves singing in Sesotho and does all the time, but out of the blue tonight he broke into, "Hallelujah, praise the Lord" and it was absolutely precious! Mmm, I'm just soakin in every beautiful moment, the gifts that God has poured and continues to pour over our life!

Feb 5 - Out and About and Time with Shelley!

We walked up to the mall again and got some groceries to last us until we leave Lesotho. When we went to leave the mall, it was pouring Africa rain (it's not anything like Ohio downpours, it's a REAL downpour!). So we hung around the door a little while and the rain didn't let up. As we were standing there, Isaac looked at me and said "ice cream." :-) He had a good lunch so we got him a milkshake at the ice cream shop. When Daddy was paying at the ice cream shop, they gave him a free, miniature ceramic mug that said "I Love You" and has hearts all over it. They really seem to be getting into the Valentine's holiday here which was surprising to us. Everywhere you go at the mall, people are selling roses and Valentine's stuff. The T.V. stations are already saying Happy Valentine's Day too!

We had a great dinner with Shelley and her friend Keldi tonight, along with the kids that Shelley was watching. Shelley made pumpkin, potatoes, chicken, beef in gravy, "pap" or "papa" (a local staple which is very very bland and a bit like the texture of mashed potatoes), salad, and a banana cake with chocolate frosting and fresh whipped cream. Was quite a feast! We really enjoy her company and are so blessed that our lives have intersected as they have.

Feb 4 - Wrestle Mania and Giggles Galore!

Isaac had a blast today with Drake. Lots of wrestling on the bed and endless laughter. Isaac's tummy was pretty out of sorts today though. Many times going "caca" on the toilet. Look forward to getting him back to the States and getting his digestive system cleared up!

We had to visit the Embassy again today because we were given another document that recorded the death of Isaac's birth father. Ma Mavis from the orphanage told us today that she didn't insist on a government death certificate when Isaac's father passed away because he was an impoverished man who wouldn't have any kind of estate that would require the formality of the government death certificate. (she had given us the death certificate issued by the hospital, which the U.S. Embassy has now said is not sufficient) Ma Mavis also made a comment to us saying, "I didn't think this one [Isaac] would be adopted." Wow. Thank you God for your divine plan!!!

Feb 3 - Sad Goodbye and Happy Pictures

Today started out with a big smile from sweet Isaac waking up at 6 a.m. We hung out with Ishmael (Khotso) this morning while Buster and Danielle (the other family) got packed to fly to Joburg. We played with cars and the boys had fun together. Isaac was very attached to Buster today and I continually reminded Isaac that they were going on a "sefofane" (airplane) today. Isaac enjoyed listening to Buster's country music on their iPod shuffle. When he would press a button on it, it would say names of playlists like "most recently played" and each time the iPod would speak, Isaac would say "yes" in response. Was so cute!

Our families had a pizza party together and while we were hanging out, one of the people helping us in Lesotho with the documents and stuff brought each of our families a scrapbook of photos from the kids' time at the orphanage. Isaac REALLY enjoyed looking through the photos and naming his friends, his caregivers, and singing songs he must have learned there.

Not long after, the other family headed out for the airport. When it came time to say goodbye, Isaac really sobered up and was quite sad. It wasn't until after they left that he did actually shed some tears and was tempted to work up an all out cry, but then I rocked him to sleep in my arms.

We then had a very happy evening after the nap. We played with the soccer ball for a while then came in and got on the computer to show Isaac some photos of family and friends. He was repeating everyone's name after we said it and it was so cute. He laughed at some of the older photos of Drake. He saw one where Drake had a cast on his arm and Isaac just cracked up laughing then proceeded to mimmick Drakes pose and pouty (silly) face that he had in the photo.

Feb 2 - It's a Day to Hold on to Hope

We were called to go back to the U.S. Embassy today to meet with the Consular again. She basically reported the same thing to both of us families who are adopting in Lesotho right now. The documentation on the history of our children and their orphan status apparently has not satisfied her requirements. I had to do all I could to hold back tears as she said things like "days and or months of delays" were possible and "if the Joburg investigator "does not approve the case" then we could attempt an "appeal process." I was standing there holding my precious child and I could not bear her hinting toward the implication that a door could close on us.

Switching topics, it was a beautiful thing to see Isaac get extremely excited to see Ms. Shelley at our guest house this afternoon and then again at dinner. She is a volunteer at the orphanage from New Zealand who has been a beautiful blessing on those children. The first time we said goodbye to Shelley in the afternoon, Isaac got upset and whined/whimpered for her. We assured him that she would be back for dinner. After saying our good-byes at the end of the night, Isaac thankfully was happy. He gave Shelley a hug goodbye and blew her a kiss. :-)

More of what Isaac loves:

- singing LOTS of songs and chatting away in Sesotho

What I love:

- God's reminder that holding onto hope brings light and life to me - Ephesians 1:17 - 23 was very encouraging tonight. He has "incomparably great power." Enough said. :-)

Feb 1 - It's a Beautiful Day and Stars Shine Bright!

Our God is so good to us and is with us in incredible ways! We went to the orphanage to do the official "signout" ceremony with Ma Mavis Mochochoko who runs it, and wow is she a beautiful light shining for Christ! She shone like a star. Then when night came, the stars were blanketing the sky in Lesotho and it was just gorgeous. Going right along with all this shining beauty, my reading today was Phillipians 2:14-16 "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain."

Back to the orphanage visit, we were just in awe that Isaac was super excited and smiley and giggly to be back at the orphanage seeing Ma Mavis and all his preschool friends. It was just so wow and amazing to us. We feared that going back might be something Isaac did not understand and did not want him feeling like we were taking him back to leave him. We prayed against that fear and God really answered our prayer! Our time there was completely light-filled... maybe except for the point at which Isaac fell into the sewage trench when Mommy was taking the photo of him and Drake - STINKY!!! Fortunately, I had some wipes in my bag and the other family was very kind to share more wipes and a change of clothing!

In sum, not only was Isaac thrilled to arrive at the orphanage, he was also still very happy to leave which was like a beautiful ray of light shining down on us!

We did learn today from the U.S. Embassy that we may be delayed beyond our intended departure date. I have incredible peace though. God is in control!

]]><![CDATA[Updates from Week One with Isaac!]]>Tue, 01 Feb 2011 12:25:54 -0500http://linkedhearts.com/2/post/2011/02/updates-from-week-one-with-isaac.html
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Jan 31 - Tired = Tantrums

Isaac was moving around a lot last night and was up off and on between 3 a.m. and 7 a.m.  He finally got up at 7 a.m after trying and trying to get back to sleep.  I knew the day might not go the best when he didn't give me his typical huge smile when I said good morning.  Our plan for the day was to walk to the Basotho Hat store for local crafts, but things did not go as planned.  Thankfully, he did fantastic taking a bath in the morning, washing himself and even sitting in the water for the first time when not throwing a tantrum!  He even let Mommy wash his hair without a fuss. 

The turning point for the day started with his mood about clothes.  He didn't want to wear what we had for him.  He didn't want the underwear because they were all solid colors left that were clean and there were no camouflage undies clean.  Then he didn't want the clothes for the white socks.  Apparently white socks are just not cool to our little guy.  (who woulda thought THAT would be an issue??!!!)  So, we had a naked boy protesting - quietly, but protesting nonetheless.  Eventually he conceded and put on the blue undies, clothes, and white socks. 

After that we did have a good time as Mommy washed the dirty clothes in the bath tub (back-breaking labor for sure!).  Isaac was awesome helping me turn on the water to rinse out clothes and he would take them and wring them out.  Somehow I think he picked up some of the skills of the caregivers at the orphanage!!!

As we hit the lunch hour, Isaac progressed into an all out screaming, crying fit when Drake had a bowl of chips for himself and Isaac did his "I want something" grunt.  Drake nicely offered to share his chips with Isaac, but that did not cut it for Isaac.  He wanted the whole thing for himself and before we could even offer him his own bowl, he did the flop and throw down of his body to the floor and started screaming crying.  Again, Daddy stayed close to console him and assure him that Daddy and Mommy are here for him even when he's acting out.  He would have gone on and on, but one of the housekeepers came to our sliding door of the chalet and was pretty firm with him in Sesotho.  Isaac then quit and just whimpered a bit.  Daddy then took Isaac outside holding him to take a walk and then brought him over to me at our friend's chalet.  Isaac then wanted me so I held him close and walked a bit, swaying around with him.  He was asleep on my shoulder in no time.  Eventually I went in to the bed after housekeeping was done and I laid down with him on my chest, and him drooling and sweating and all. :-)  He slept for about 3 hours then woke up happy again. 

When it came time for dinner, Isaac ate some of his hot dog, a bit of Mommy's chicken, none of his mac and cheese, and one bite of plum.  He did try to be sneaky and throw away some uneaten hot dog, chicken and all the remaining pieces of plum.  So food seems to be a real trigger for issues currently, whether it's the shove it all in the mouth at once moves, or the very picky choices, or the insisting on having everything that someone else has fusses.  Understandable since he spent 3 years at the orphanage where nothing was exclusively his and he had zero choices. 

He continues to practice exerting his will over choices and practicing making himself the center of attention since it's the first time he has a captive audience paying attention.  Would love your prayers for our wisdom and endurance to help Isaac transition into this new life without too much stress or emotional struggles as each day brings something new for him and on top of it we have the language barrier. 

We did find out for the first time today that Isaac's birth father was actually from Nigeria and was here with Isaac's birth mother who was a local in Lesotho.  (both are deceased)

Jan 30 - Lotsa Giggles and Silly Faces!

Today has been sooo much better than Melt Down Saturday!!!  He slept in until 7:30, but did wet the bed for the first time.  I think he was just so so exhausted from the melt down yesterday!  He woke up with Mommy and had a huge smile to greet me with first thing!  He was very happy today and was ok even when we said no to candy for breakfast (if only he knew we do love the movie "Elf")!  He wasn't happy at first about no candy, but he didn't break down thankfully!!!  He is still regressing a bit to the younger years behavior like talking in a baby voice and grunting. 

We went for a long walk today and he held on pretty tight as we held him.  He was really scared of the bulldozer that was driving down the road and a few of the commercial trucks.  We stopped at the grocery store and I went in a different direction from the boys for a bit looking for something.  When they found me, Isaac wanted me to hold him and he gave me a smooch smack dab on the lips!  Back at the room, he was being so silly with silly faces and silly voices. 

Isaac fussed a bit tonight when Daddy wanted to split his fries (aka "chips" here) with Isaac.  Eventually Isaac got the point that Daddy wasn't just trying to eat all of Isaac's, but wanted to share.  Then Daddy was eating a piece of cake and reciprocated the sharing by giving Isaac the last bite. 

Isaac did really well today with matching colors.  He matched the red flowers to his red shirt after I pointed it out, then on his own he matched the pink hippo to a different pink piece of a toy he has. 

Things Isaac loves:
- yoghurt!!!
- camouflage undies
- his own little backpack, with his own, filled snack box inside
- toy cars and trucks (he always looks very longingly and points at the big jeep toys that kids can ride in that just happen to be out in the aisle at the mall :-)

Oh how I love laying next to my sweet sleeping bebe!  :-)  He is just so incredibly precious, an amazing gift from God!

Jan 29 - The Melt Down of All Melt Downs!!!

Isaac was up at 6:00 a.m. today to go potty and then he stayed up.  When it was time for Daddy to come over to the chalet, it was so cute when Isaac was playing his open/close the sliding door game.  Isaac, on the inside, knocked on the door and said "hello" and Daddy, on the outside, said "hello, how are you."  Isaac then responded with "how are you Daddy?" and it was the first time he really addressed Daddy by name!  Then Isaac switched to an all-serious face being silly and walked over to Mommy and said "Waz up" - too funny!

So, regarding the melt down...  FIrst thing in the morning, we were walking around together outside and there was a big dog following us that's around sometimes.  This really induced fear in Isaac even though we were trying to assure him that it is a nice doggy (as we were told and as we saw).  Then when we got back to our room, Isaac decided to fuss over brushing his teeth.  This seemed to be a symptom of a really tired kid who just happens to also be trying to adjust to everything that is entirely new in his world!  

We then had a crying breakdown when it came time for his bath.  He didn't want to wash himself like last bath time, and he was constantly trying to get out of the tub until he entered into full blown tantrum just throwing himself down in the water onto his bottom.  I then wrapped him snug in the towel, kind of like swaddling a baby, and I just held him close and rocked him a bit until he finally calmed down to get dressed. 

A couple of hours later, Isaac was ready for lunch and Daddy told him that he needed to pick a fruit to eat with his meat pie (a local favorite) and there began the crazy melt down.  He was crying and screaming for about an hour before the guest house workers came in and tried to talk to him in Sesotho.  The whole time of the tantrum, Jef and I just sat on the floor with him and rubbed his back and tummy as we could, trying to reassure him that it was ok that he melt down with us.  Love endures tantrums :-)  Isaac actually got even more mad at the guest house workers and after a bit, he decided that Mommy was a better choice and he laid down in my lap and fell right asleep.  He then slept for nearly 3 hours next to Mommy.  He woke up a few times to make sure I was there and he would put a leg or arm on me.  After he woke up from the nap, he then ate the meat pie and some pear. 

Dinner time went much more smoothly with him back to his sweet, silly self.  He was teasing us like he wanted something and then would do a motion like "just kiddin!"  So silly!  When we prayed at dinner, Isaac started repeating Daddy for the first time saying, "thank you God for Daddy, thank you God for Mommy, thank you God for Drake, and thank you God for Isaac."  The whole time he kind of squinted his eyes and folded his hands, too adorable! 

Later when Daddy was blowing bubbles, Isaac wanted me to sit next to him and Daddy.  Then Daddy pretended to kiss me all over and Isaac gave me my first kiss on the cheek.  :-)  *huge smile*

Each day Isaac has a different toy that he's attached to for the day and inevitably it ends up in his hands until the moment he konks out asleep :-)  Tonight it's a spinning top thing and his mini container of bubbles. 

Jan 28 - Play Day and Ministry of Social Welfare

Isaac seems to be getting more and more comfortable.  He loves singing is "fire is hot" song and having Mommy copy him singing it in Sesotho. The words are phonetically something like "umlielo, a bisi naday" with a major emphasis on "umlielo."  I (Mommy) try to copy everything he is saying and it's a fun game.  He continues to copy our words more and more.  He did exert himself for the first time with the word "no" today.  Interestingly, it was with respect to the clothing I got out for him to wear.  It was a plaid button up shirt and apparently it did not make the cut in Isaac's book of style.  :-) 

Drake showed Isaac a move shaking his booty, so I said "shake yo booty" and Isaac LOVES saying that now.  hehe.  He loves playing outside and kicking the ball we bought for him at the grocery store here.  When Isaac is jumping on the bed, Mommy sings "jumping jumping up and down, jumping, jumping all around" and he loves to jump into my arms after that. 

He took a late nap today so he was asleep as we left at 3:00 for the social welfare office.  He woke up a bit while we were there meeting the Director of Social Welfare for Lesotho, Ma Chisepo.  Isaac was really unsure of his surroundings and kind of shut down to his quiet, shy guy version of Isaac in Daddy's arms.  He's quite boisterous and so much fun a lot of the time, but reverts to shy guy in unfamiliar settings and usually around the people from Lesotho who are trying to talk to him in Sesotho.  He really is a bubbly source of joy with an endless smile when he turns it on!  He has made Jef, Drake and I smile and laugh so much!!!

He did get more picky and vocal about foods today saying no to cucumber and yellow peppers.  (the first few days, he was eating everything)  He wouldn't eat kiwi and also didn't eat much banana today, which is something he seemed to love at first. 

Drake introduced him tonight to the song from Madagascar, "I Like to Move It Move It," and Isaac LOVES the song and dancing to it.  It was the first brotherly bonding time they have really had so far.  Isaac was singing the chorus repeatedly and dancing lots!  He has very good timing and rhythm with everything. 

Tonight after dinner, Isaac started winding down around 7:15 so Daddy took him to his room, but Isaac actually wanted to sleep with Mommy for the first time.   

Jan 27 - First Day to Sleep In!  (relatively speaking, until 7:30)

Isaac cried for the first time today at nap time - big "crocodile" tears as Daddy would say.  Isaac was exhausted.  He fussed at bedtime too, but not really tears.  Daddy walked him around holding him and sang to him (Bob Marley, Three Little Birds - so cute!).  Isaac then fell asleep in Daddy's arms and slept with Daddy in his room, rather than in the chalet with Mommy.

At the start of the day, when Isaac woke up, he came to the chalet with Daddy and knocked on the sliding door yelling, "Mommy."  Loved it!  Isaac loves the game to knock at the door and then hide from Mommy.  He's starting to repeat a lot of the words we're saying, but still primarily speaks in Sesotho.  Drake was playing with him and catching Isaac as he jumped off the bed.  Drake was saying "jumping" and Isaac was then saying it repeatedly. 

Daddy discovered today that Isaac's self-soothing mechanism is rubbing his outtie belly button. 

Jan 26 - Excursion to Mohale Dam

Isaac was pretty clingy to Daddy today.  He may have been unsure about what we were doing driving for so long and getting in and out of the car to look at different scenery.  The roads into the mountains were crazy winding roads and steep!  The mountains were so incredible and majestic.  (Our God "is so big, so strong and so mighty"... and His mountains are evidence :-)  At one stop, Drake decided to get a bit adventurous and climb on the rocks and Isaac was fussing a bit so Daddy took him over to see Drake.  Turned out that Isaac wanted to do a bit of rock climbing himself!!  Mr. Adventure!!!  He loves to do all kinds of jumping off things and climbing.  Everything around really is a jungle gym!

We gave Isaac his second bath tonight and he fussed a bit again until Daddy figured out that Isaac just wanted to hold the lion washcloth himself.  He did a very good job washing everywhere.  He wouldn't sit in the tub, but he just washed everywhere while standing up.

 
]]><![CDATA[South Africa Our First Three Days]]>Fri, 21 Jan 2011 08:20:54 -0500http://linkedhearts.com/2/post/2011/01/south-africa-our-first-three-days.htmlThe morning of our flight, started with a blessing from God (what better way to start a day).  We got an email from our host family that Stephanie and I stayed with on our first trip to Mamelodi.  We hadn't emailed for at least a year, so to get it on the day we are going was amazing.  They shared with us that they had a baby girl in December.  What great news as we are going to get our new son.  Even more amazing because when we stayed with them both of our families shared that we wanted to expand our family.  Praise God!

On to the flight...  The pictures of all the luggage is even crazier than it looks.  Three people, six large suitcase (each close to 50 lbs), and six carry-on pieces of luggage.  We came prepared and then some (some orphanage donations and stuff).  The flights were all on time and fairly smooth, but even with that 17 hours of flying (just the Africa leg) is long and uncomfortable.  Just have to focus on the reason for the trip and you can't do anything about it anyways.

We were greeted at the airport by our friends Frikkie and Tina Koen and their son Matthew.  They have another son, Josh, who is about Drake's age.  The Koens have been the most gracious hosts.  They have opened up their house for us to stay in.  The kids even gave up their bedrooms.  The food they have fixed has been wonderful.  I discovered a delicious new dessert called malva pudding.  I'm hoping to bring the recipe back to the states.  Today Frikkie introduced us to another new snack call biltong.  It's pronounced "bull tongue".  It's like beef jerkey and tastes great.  One mix of it called "rugby mix" even included some warthog.  I know I'm making your mouth water so I'll move on.

We have been able to spend some time in the township of Mamelodi the last couple days.  The first day at Viva Village in an area called Alaska (because it is way out there).  Viva Village is trying to create a positive "village" that will have a school, green houses, adult education and a parafin (like kerosene) dispensing facility.  By selling the parafin, the goal is to make the village self sustaining.  Tina is going to be teaching kids around kindergarten age.  We helped set up her classroom and seal the wood in the room to prevent mildew (that what's happening in the picture where I'm on a step ladder).

Today we went to see Stoffel Park to meet Biggie.  He runs a spaza (a small shop in the township).  Frikkie has been working with Biggie on how to operate a successful business, through mentoring and finding financial support.  Since Tina and Frikkie had a meeting at Viva Village, we rode along with Biggie and his girlfriend Pinky to buy stock for his store.  First, to a meat market.   Then to a bulk store to buy mielie meal (aka pap).  It's a white corn meal, that is inexpensive so eaten a lot in the Township, but has no nutritional value.  Then to a chicken store, where I discovered you can eat every part of a chicken, feet, heads, hearts, and intestines.  Finally, to fill some 50 gallon drums with parafin.  It was a side of Mamelodi, that we never could have seen on a Crossroads trip, so we really valued it.  Biggie was a great guy and we really appreciate him letting us tag along. 

Last thing for today is something new to pray about.  I'M DRIVING IN SOUTH AFRICA!  That means the cars are on the opposite side of the road.  The steering wheel is on the opposite side of the car and the stick shift (which I haven't driven on in over 10 years) is on the drivers left.  I'm told I did good and no one got hurt, so I think I'll do more of it.  Hence the reason for prayer.

We are seeing God's blessings everywhere and I have no doubt, that is in part to all of your prayers.  Please keep them coming.  Only three more days until we meet Isaac!

Jef]]><![CDATA[enriched.]]>Fri, 21 Jan 2011 07:26:40 -0500http://linkedhearts.com/2/post/2011/01/enriched.htmlDumela [hello] from South Africa!  I will let my hubby share some thoughts/experiences in a coming post, but will for now say, ENRICHED!  We are so enriched by our experiences so far here.  Really experiencing the community of Mamelodi at a whole other, deeper level.  From visiting different areas in the community that we hadn't yet seen to shopping with a local shop owner for the products that he resells.  Also experiencing a deepening relationship with our friends here that we are eternally grateful for and so excited to see how it grows deeper as time goes on.  It's Love we are surrounded with and Love that we desire to be vessels of.  Below are a few pics of what Love has looked like so far here, but first a few pics of our journey to arriving here.
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]]><![CDATA[limboland]]>Tue, 09 Nov 2010 18:09:23 -0500http://linkedhearts.com/2/post/2010/11/limboland.htmlI actually stopped the radio on a few Christmas songs on the way home from work tonight.  Crazy, I know. What happened to Christmas songs starting the day after Thanksgiving?  Anyways, it kinda planted a little diddy in my head to the tune of “walkin in a winter wonderland” and it goes - “walkin in adoption limboland.”

What I refer to as our adoption gestation period seems to keep lengthening and rollin on and rollin on.  Gestation is defined as, “to develop slowly.”  Interesting how that is such a prominent message beckoning my patience these days.  More than ever, I have had to learn to live in the moment, to live for the day and press on knowing something just beyond my reach will be reached.  There is no plan I can form, there is no influence I can exert, there is no control within my grasp and there is no finite gestation period for this adoption and upcoming “birth” moment of meeting our new child. 

The gestation message doesn’t end there though.  In the midst of this adoption gestation period, I have also had a mental breakthrough in becoming a runner.  A runner.  Oh my goodness, if you only knew how deep to the core I had convinced myself that “I am just not a runner.”  And yet, a little quiet whisper in my head said, you need to run.  So, I am now into my 6th week of a 7 week plan training to run a 5K and am signed up to run the Sharon Woods 5K next week!  I had never run farther than a mile in my life before this plan.  That I celebrate with a “woohoo”, and yet, in this 6th week, I still am fighting off discouragement that it has not gotten any easier yet.  I have dubbed my muscular discomfort to be “runner’s rigor mortis.”  While I feel more alive than I did 6 weeks ago, I also feel muscles, or lack thereof, 24 X 7.  Gestation.  Muscular gestation is the process I’ve subjected myself to and there is no plan I can form, no influence I can exert, no control within my grasp, and no finite gestation period for this muscle development to hit the turning point of feeling good.  But, of course, I know it will come. 

In this uncertain limboland time of not having a clue of when progress will come to conclusions and when the great celebrations will be in order, I just have to press on and continue forward in faith.  I have to keep my eyes and thoughts continually set toward the vision of what's to come!  Here’s to more prayers for patience in the now and faith in the next!   (the literal next we are waiting for in the adoption is an email from the lawyer with paperwork we can get signed and notarized and sent back for him to take to court in Lesotho)

 ]]><![CDATA[the irony of Isaac]]>Sun, 24 Oct 2010 09:24:44 -0500http://linkedhearts.com/2/post/2010/10/the-irony-of-isaac2.htmlSo, we had a "prayer experience" at church this week.  It's what I describe as an interactive walk-through environment engaging you and guiding you to talk and listen to God on specific things.  I cried like I haven't cried since last year probably.  It was an aha moment of surrender that caught me off-guard.  Sometimes we need to listen closer to our everyday, in the moment thoughts because if we would, we might tune into thoughts that are attempts to put ourself on our own throne of control or thoughts that just unsuspectingly create separation between us and God. 

I realized at the "Game Change" prayer experience that some thoughts and imaginations I had been casually entertaining about Isaac, our new son-to-be, were doing that very thing of enthroning my desire for control.  Thoughts (little fears) like, “What if Isaac attaches to me when we bring him home, and then I have to walk away and go back to being ‘work-outside-the-home mommy’?  What will that do to this child who has experienced a great loss in his early life already?”  I was reminded of these little, unsuspected thoughts as I got to a point in the prayer experience where a sign on a wall said "How does fear keep you from surrendering your dreams?" The aha, kinda ouch moment ensued.   

But it wasn't until I got to the room that narrated the scene of Abraham and Isaac that I truly broke.  I really do believe that it is not coincidence that our to-be child’s name is the at-birth-given name Isaac.  In the Bible, Abraham and Sarah waited in such anticipation for God to fulfill his promise and their dream for a child.  To relate to that, Jef and I have not awaited the arrival of a child, but have awaited, and sometimes eagerly anticipated, for God to enlarge our territory of parenting.  We are miraculously blessed with a natural born child in our life, and yet, we also have had a great desire and we believe a calling to devote love and parenting to more children. 

In the midst of being reminded of Abraham’s great challenge to sacrifice his son, the one he waited so long to receive and the one he was so confident in as the answer to God’s promise, I was also reminded of how God tested Abraham’s obedience.  Was Abraham going to hold tightly to this gift and this fulfilled dream to the point of giving it more affection and attention than was healthy?  Would Abraham “idolize” the responsibility of parenting and loving this child and would this responsibility and wowful excitement create a cloud that would drown out the rightful attention and affection he would give to God above all else?  Nope.

So then I was faced with the questions, “Have I gotten caught up in idolizing mommyhood? Have I surrendered the desire/need for the enlarged territory of mommyhood and the dream of engaging in it with all my focus, all my time, that sometimes idolized state of ‘full-time, at home mom’?  Can I surrender the desire to control the environment and affection that surrounds my to-be child while he’s at home the first year?” I broke into the realization that I still had a tight grip on a dream and all along I had been dismissing the grip by entertaining those brief, come-and-go thoughts.  (talk about timing, I had just heard an interview the week prior with the creator of Veggie Tales who talked about how our American culture can often get caught up in idolizing dreams!) 

I cried as I realized the disconnect I had with God as I entertained those thoughts.  God’s love says, “I got your back, I have good intended for you.  It’s not always easy, but it’s good.”  My fear of loosening a grip on a dream ultimately equated to my saying, “I gotta watch my own back, I gotta take some reigns of control here.”  I sat in that room crying and reconnecting with God in this space, and then in walked Jef who had been a room or two behind me in the prayer experience.  He sat down next to me and I put my head on his shoulder.  I said to God, “I can surrender my dreams to you.  I can entrust my children to You as their true source of comfort and nurturing. I do.” 

Then I switched gears to, “God, I also give up the attempt to control by entrusting Isaac to the tender care of my hubby.”  (our plan right now is for Jef to stay home with Isaac until he starts kindergarten next year)  And then, just as I spoke those words to God, Jef “tenderly” put his hand on my knee and oh the way that God wooed me in that moment!  I just got done praying about entrusting the delicate care of this new child to my hubby, and then Jef’s sweet affection was clearly evident, right there in that moment in that gentle touch.  Mmmmm good.  God is so good, pouring out luscious gifts of grace on our life!  I often stare at the photo of this beautiful new child He has hand-picked to be our own and I am in awe of the beauty.  Not just the surface beauty of Isaac, but also the beauty of being given yet another gift in my life that is so beyond what I could possibly be entitled to or deserving of.  That is grace, pure and clear.  A gift beyond measure and beyond any effort to deserve it.  So the irony of Isaac is that despite me having many years now of creating a cloud and interference with God by idolizing a dream of enlarged mommy territory, we are on the verge of welcoming a sweet new son into our life and I am in a posture of surrender just like Abraham to say, “God this child is yours and I give you my dream.  I release control to You.  I put You first and look forward to seeing what You have for us in this next season.”  There really is a peace and relief in surrender.  It’s not weak and wimpy, it is empowering.

 ]]><![CDATA[up to August 2010]]>Sun, 24 Oct 2010 06:52:31 -0500http://linkedhearts.com/2/post/2010/10/up-to-august-2010.html08-18-2010
hearts melted!
We received Isaac's photo and medical bio this week and today we got a good report from the Children's Hospital pediatrician, Dr. Staat! (love her btw) 

next steps
We're a go, we are accepting the referral!  Now we wait for the agency to give us travel dates!  Our son is waiting for us :-)
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7-21-2010
beyond paperwork status!!!
Oh what a beautiful day!  Much to our surprise, our agency informed us that our child has been identified!  His name is Isaac and he was born on 10/7/2005. 

next steps
Suuupppeerr excited now!  Will hear more, including getting his picture in the next week or two!]]><![CDATA[blog is an irritating word]]>Sun, 24 Oct 2010 06:36:21 -0500http://linkedhearts.com/2/post/2010/10/first-post.htmlWhile I really can't stand the word "blog," I do appreciate the meaning it holds with people.  To me, it means we have a way to share our adoption experiences beyond the common questions of "where, when, and how old" and it's another extension of doing life together with our community of friends and family.]]>